Hey there!
Skai here…
Ahhhh, those wonderful dating apps! Yes, let’s discuss…
My single.ish friends have some complaints about how people navigate these dating apps, so I have decided to give you some pointers on how to better achieve getting your special someone/s. And of course, this is all from my professional expertise…being out here…digging and diving into these apps for the last several years. I think I’m suddenly ashamed at how long I have been on them… I digress.
There are going to be some pointers for both sexes…and some specific to just men and just women. And of course, I’m speaking to all lovestyles: the monogamous and the polyamorous…
First of all, let’s start from your profile. If you have nothing to say on your profile, you might as well..uh… delete yourself. Who is interested in someone who doesnt want to sell themselves? What folks fail to realize is that you are applying for a job. Its the job of love. How are you going to even get an “interview” if you dont show yourself off a bit. Put your best pictures up, yes and full body too…and talk about yourself and what you are out here looking for. Its really refreshing to read people’s profiles that say what they want. If you dont want marriage, if you are poly, if you just want a hookup….say that. Someone outhere is looking for you. To think that you can bait and switch someone into what you are into is farfetched. Its like applying to work in sales and marketing at Google, but you really want to be a dishwasher in the cafeteria. Its not going to work! Yep, I particularly know people who really want polyamorous relationships but dont say that on their profile. Not cool!
Now, when you start scooping people you are attracted to…instead of just swiping right. Read their profile fully. Let me say that again: Read their profile. How many people have come across my pictures and immediately swiped right to later learn that its not going to ever work because we are not at all a match. And instead of swiping comment on something that they mentioned, or comment on one of their pictures. It makes for a more engaging intro. The app will acknowledge your communication as a right swipe anyway. When your interest responds, chat a little bit to see if there is a mutual attraction and then get on the phone asap. For the women, if you are uncomfortable giving your number out, then give him a google number…or talk through the app. Most of them have that type of call feature where you dont have to give your personal number out. Video chatting is even better. People want to see whom they are talking to.
Having conversations by phone for a little bit is the only way you are really going to familiarize yourself with someone. If you think texting back and forth is going to get you the answers that you need, then you are never going to end up with anyone. I wouldnt recommend meeting anyone at all until you both feel comfortable with the possibilities of where this is going. I have talked to several men whom want to get on a phone call and immediately want to meet somewhere on today! Um no! I dont want to waste my time. There is no way I am going out in the street to meet anyone new if I know I’m not interested. They have to impress me before I make any commitments to meet. We both need to feel comfortable in going to the next step which is the meet up.
On that first call, get to the facts. Do it however you want, but realize this is an interview. What part of town do you live in? What do you do for a living? What are you looking for? <<<<The Golden Question. And be prepared to answer these questions as well and in depth for your potential too. What you value most should be discussed on the phone before you meet. Is marriage something you are hoping for in the nearest future? Or would you rather live alone have multiple romantic partners in your life? Whatever it is, talk about it. Folks who dont want to really get into answering what they are looking for…let me help you… they are not looking for shit. They are bored and lonely. Their priorities are nowhere. I would avoid this type. At the end of the day you want to end any communication with your potential as an open door to more with them. If you end conversations with vague questions in your mind, then this will be the start of a vague relationship. Oh believe me, there are people out there, who would love to have this weird undefined relationship with you. Let’s not go there.
Once you and your potential have decided through regular phone conversations that its a great time to set up a meet up, then plan for a public meetup that is short and to the point. Um, ladies… dinner is absolutely not realistic for a first meeting. Why does that even seem normal to you? Sorry guys, women have been watching alot of netflix lately and think that you should be paying for a 5 star dinner on the very first meet up. That is not realistic or fair. Meet somewhere safe, a coffee shop or a bar. Order something to drink…and dont expect him to purchase. If he does, fine. But you should come as 2 autonomous individuals. Some men (the old schoolers) are not going to allow you to pay for your drink. The new schoolers are ok with you paying for whatever you buy. It really doesnt matter. Its a first meet up, so it really doesnt set any obvious tones. And having conversations about who pays for what, is going to come off kinda uncomfortably. You can tell where a man stands by his behaviour and the previous conversations you had with him on the phone. Most guys I have been out with have offered to pay, and I offer to pay the tip. I believe guys really appreciate when women do that. I think that it a whole other conversation…who pays?
Here’s the thing… just like in the employment world, you gotta hit it while its hot. You have to realize that your man/woman is a hot commodity. If you sleep, someone else gon’ get them. So, if you see someone whom you are interested in getting to know, be proactive. Message them, and try to get their attention with your witty personality. After you have talked by phone, set up a meet up in the nearest future. Make sure its in a public place. Its so annoying how many men try to invite you over to their home without ever first vetting you in a safe space. Women deem this as cheap and sexual. Dont do that. One of my male friends said men do this because they invite women over whom they feel are safe and cool…and they feel comfortable with. Yeah, yeah, yeah… that sounds like a deep well…but the truth is you dont know who is out here. So, dont go meeting anyone on an app and invite them to your house. That is craptactular! Please and Thank you!
At the end of the day, enjoy the process. There are some relationships that never get to the meet up step, folks just get comfortable with a texting phone love type of relationship. Believe me… I have plenty of those. If you want to find him or her out there…you have to put in the effort and actually do the steps. Meet them, and try to continue your communication. Getting to know someone is not hard, you just need to show them you really want to start something.
What do you think?
PS. Guys please put your height on your profile. We hate to ask.
